Greatest love letter ever! Writing class final presentation

To the love of my life,

            Every hour we spend apart is as a thousand years, a scourge upon my soul. The sun which once hung high and pleasant in the sky now torments me with the sepia hues it casts upon the dismal plains of my existence. In the devastating days of our separation I have realized that I am nothing without you. I know that-

·         My love for you burns with the white-hot intensity of ten thousand fiery suns

·         Eternity would be an everlasting punishment if not spent staring into your loving eyes

·         No one person has ever loved so strongly and purely as I love you

·         We are destined to be together forever

Though our paths only crossed for the first time a few short days ago, your beautiful face is etched into my mind with all of its flawless imperfection. If our chance meeting was the only pleasant experience of my mortal sojourn, I would count every trial, failure and disappointment as an indistinguishable scratch in the golden paved road of bliss.

            I ache for your return from Thanksgiving break so that we can be reunited once more. May we never be apart again, for one more such separation would bring a most unbearable agony.  

            With all of the love that my tender, beating heart possesses,

                        Your One True Love.

The much anticipated Bananalogy

Now, I like grocery shopping as much as the next guy, but I struggle with a few things. For example, lets say a list has five items. I know that's a short list, but lets just say.
-Milk: Of course I'm going to get 2%, because I'm not gross.
-Eggs: I don't think there's more than one kind of egg. I mean, I've never seen turtle eggs at the supermarket.
-Cheese: It's the yellow stuff, either in a block or in a bag
-Bread: Easy stuff-- The whiter the bread, the sooner you're dead. One loaf of wheat and I'm out
-Bananas: Ah, this is where I choke. I don't know what to do!
    Why is it so hard to pick bananas? Well, basically because they are so unstable!! Every banana starts in the same place, but goes through stages. We essentially have 5 different banana stages:
-Green: Inedible. Most people purchase these ones because they have the best shelf life. They will soon be yellow, even if they aren't now. Other than putting on the counter, they are useless for now.
-Yellow: Edible. Preferred by picky eaters. These bananas are good for eating and making banana related foods.
-Yellow with Brown Spots: Probably the tastiest of the bananas. Just like a good cheese, these have been aged perfectly and have an incredibly good consistency. The only problem is that they soon will be...
-Brown: Too mushy. Someone should have purchased them days ago. DISCLAIMER: These bananas are still useful for things like Banana bread. Every Banana is useful!
-Frozen: I'm still not sure how I feel about frozen bananas. Mostly, they seem to brown out really fast and have an overpowering taste. However, the chocolate coated ones are fantastic.

Do you see the problem here? Banana shopping is not for the faint of heart. I like bananas, but that doesn't make the shopping game any easier.

Reflections of a blog (writing process...?)

I used to be good at keeping a journal. It's been awhile though. I've learned some things about myself as I've written this blog. When I first started writing, it was a struggle for me. I had the desire to craft all my words into something that someone else would approve of. Now I've realized that it isn't about that. As I've written more, I've felt that I can be more open with myself and my feelings. My blog isn't really a billboard of my latest thought, but it's more of a collection of my thoughts over the semester. Some entries are funny, some are serious. Occasionally my blog entries try and prove a point, other times they just talk to hear their own voice. I've enjoyed the creation of Danger Gardens and am happy that it's helped me gain some insight into myself. I'm going to enjoy continuing it as well.

A touch to the elbow: what does it really mean?

That is the title of my book, expected to be written soon.  For 1000's of years, men have been confused about the intentions of women. Even after I share this advice with you men, you may still be confused about their intentions. That's probably because I haven't figured them out either. However! There is a sure fire way to know if a girl wants you to ask her out. That sure fire way is the touch to the elbow.
             I was walking down the hall after my Humanities class, a friend of mine from high school said "Oh, Hey!" While touching my elbow. What she was really saying was "Hey, I'm not doing anything this Friday night." Did I understand that at the time? No. Why not? Because I didn't understand the importance of a touch to the elbow.
         Why the elbow? Because the elbow is safe. It doesn't signify commitment; but it's strong, important and taken for granted. I mean, you only have two... Well, most people do. To a woman, that is a great way of showing their interest without appearing too forward. Whoa, I gotta go, the girl sitting next to me just touched my elbow

The age old question...

Does everything happen for a reason? That's something that I've been wondering about a lot lately. when I came home from my mission in August, dad encouraged me to take the semester off of school and to just work until January. I've thought about that a lot. What happened this semester that wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have come to school? Well, first off, Danger Gardens wouldn't exist. That would be bad. But in a addition to that, I wouldn't have met many of the fantastic people that I have during these past few months at BYU. I can't count the number of great friends I've made and important lessons I've learned. The classes I've been enrolled in have been wonderful as well.
            Was I meant to go to school this semester? I believe that I was. I may not know why for a long time, but I feel good about my time here. I didn't always do as well as I should have, but I had a blast. I would do it all over again if I had the chance. I feel it happened for a reason

It's the Finals Countdown

One of my favorite physical stresses is that of a roller coaster. I don't know why we find it so amusing to be thrown up and down and pulled aggressively in strange directions, but I like it anyway. For a roller coaster to be fun, it needs to have tension and release. It has to have moments of relief and moments of sheer ecstasy.
            School is like a big mental roller coaster. There have been times this semester that I've felt perfectly fine; everything is awesome, I'm on top of the world. Then there are times that I have been stressed to no end. During these times I wonder why I paid twenty-two hundred dollars to be put through this. Final's week is one of the latter. I've finished my finals in two of my seven classes. Granted, those classes were Jazz Improvisation and Social Dance, but still. This roller coaster is 2/7 of the way over! Yes!!!

Social Distraction

One of my new favorite sayings goes as follows:
"Make your words soft and sweet, for one day you may have to eat them."
I like it because I am quite the word eater. I've been eating my words since I was old enough to talk.
When I was on my mission, I would often say things such as "You know, I'll never get a Facebook Profile. It would just distract me from my life."
Did I get a Facebook Profile?  Is said profile distracting me from my life?
I believe that you already know the answer. Why do we do this to ourselves? I believe that it's because we enjoy distraction and procrastination. Now I can distract myself from doing everything because someone updated something. Speaking of that, I can't get to my final point, someone just sent me a message.

Do you deserve what you receive?

Books are so expensive! I don't like buying them, so I try to buy as few as possible. That's what I did this semester, and this is where our story begins.
           A few weeks ago I was feverishly writing my research paper for my writing and rhetoric class. When I was working on my citations, however, I was supposed to consult "The Little Penguin Handbook". Unfortunately, I never purchased one. My teacher warned us about how important it was to do citations properly and that she would not be very nice to us if we didn't cite our sources correctly. So, in my rush to do my research paper, I did all of my citations incorrectly. My teacher gave me a 90% on my paper. Did I deserve that? No. I probably deserved a worse grade. However, my teacher is merciful.
           I learned an important lesson today. Would that extra seven or so dollars have broken the bank? I doubt it, but those extra points would have been nice.

Personal Narrative. Right in time

“If you take any longer to curl your hair, we’re going to be late to the concert! Come on!” She didn’t even hear me!

            Instead of a response, all I could hear was my own frantic pacing and the obsessive tapping of my fingers on my cell phone. I’m sure if anyone else were in the kitchen, they would be staring at me awkwardly. However, they would also agree that my sister was taking way too long to get ready for the evening.  How long does it take for her to…

            “I’m done!”  

            “Well, it’s about time. Let’s go.”

            “What’s the hurry, Trev?”

            “Gosh, don’t be so inconsiderate. We’re late and you know it.”

The slam of the car door only briefly interrupted the silence of my frustrated anger. Great. Now the evening is ruined. We’re going to be in a rush the whole night and won’t be able to enjoy ourselves at all.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

            The suffocating mist of a mid-summer tropic day filled my lungs, threatening asphyxiation. Rivers of sweat flowed unimpeded down my face as the sun slapped itself mercilessly upon me. 

“Are we there yet, Elder?  I’m pretty sure we’re late.”  I strained to see the hands of my watch through the fogged glass. The face of the watch had handled the climate change as well as my own—the hands were indistinguishable from the eroding plaque behind it.

“Don’t worry about it. We won’t get there any faster by panicking about it.”

            Yeah… That’s what everyone says when they have no concept of punctuality.

However, it was only within the next few minutes that we arrived at our destination. The board structure on the edge of the scorched structure had nothing to boast. It was the humble home of Michael, the man we had met on the street just the day before.

            “Inside!” I yelled with enthusiasm. “Michael…? Are you home?”

From behind the wooden shack appeared a tall, dark figure. His bright eyes and intense smile sharply contrasted with his soot-soiled countenance.  Despite the obvious lack of proper nourishment and hygiene, Michael’s face beamed with a happy contentment.

            “Missionaries! Whappnin’? Is nice tuh see yuh’bout this marnin’.”

            “Michael, listen… I’m sorry that we’re late, we got held up on our…”

            “Late? Boy, way a mean? Nah, you dey here. Is what matters, right?”  

I spent a few seconds simply looking at Michael, absorbing what he had said. Not wanting to be rude, I quickly shifted my eyes away; focusing on his home.

            He didn’t even care. How could he not care? I didn’t understand: here was a man that had nothing, but was content. He had enough; he was happy.  My whole life I had had everything that I needed, when I needed it. Even as I sat in the dirt of these humble circumstances, I didn’t lack any necessity.

            Distracted by my thoughts, I missed the rest of the conversation. And the day continued on just as any other day.

            Why should I care…? Do I need to…?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

            Wow, this air-conditioning is really nice. I wish I would have brought my coat!

“They’ve never been this slow before. I can’t believe it. I’m sorry about this, Trevor.”

“Ah, it’s no scene.” I said, returning to my thoughts; Fast food, how I’ve missed you.

Before I could think anymore about who was trying to speak to me, a tray of food was dropped on the table.  How do they make so much food so fast? That’s incredible!

“Now, eat fast everyone, we’ve got to get home.”  

             Several strained faces expressed the undue stress of the evening: we were obviously behind on some sort of schedule. This bacon is fantastic. I should let my sister try it. I looked up from my food to see my parents standing by the door, quickly talking about somewhere we had to be.

            “Alright, I’m done. Thanks for dinner, it was great!

            “No problem! Let’s go now; we’re late.”

            “Ah, the house will still be there when we get to it, late or not. What are we going to be late for?”

            “Well, we have to get you released from being a missionary”

            “Oh, well. That’s alright.  I can be a missionary tomorrow if I have to. I’ve done it for two years, what’s one more day?”

The smiles and laughter weren’t interrupted by the slam of the car door. The evening wasn’t ruined.  I had everything I needed. I was happy. 

How to Analyze

Now, I'm not anti-education, but this entry might sound that way.
I used to enjoy movies a lot. I mean, who doesn't want to go with their friends to the theater at midnight and watch 120 minutes of pop culture? However, the more I learn about the world we live in, the less I enjoy things like movies. How many of you have those CSI friends? I'm sure you all have one: You're watching some show and they say something like "Oh Gosh... That could never happen. A defibrillator doesn't work like that!"
     All of my friends that are reading this blog are probably thinking- Hey! You are that friend!
I know I am, which is why I'm writing this. I have a problem. That problem is the over-analyzing of any and everything. Why do I do it? Because I am fascinated about everything. So the more I learn, the more I lose my ability to enjoy violence, TV shows, some people and viewing organized sports.
        How can you avoid these things? How can you continue to enjoy watching dumb TV shows? What can you do make sure you will always enjoy the simplest, most thoughtless music that the radio can play?  Remain uneducated. If you like to read, stop. Stop reading this blog right now as a matter of fact.  Instead, lets see what's on Spike TV.

An idiot's guide to not sounding "preachy"

I tried to look up "preachy" in an online dictionary, but I couldn't find it. That's just preachy!
All puns aside, we're supposed to be writing a personal narrative in my writing class. This narrative is supposed to be about how we changed or grew through something. However, the catch is that it's not supposed to sound preachy. How does one not sound preachy? Because I couldn't find a good definition of preachy, I'm going to try and break it down by myself.
Alright... a point needs to be conveyed without implying that you're awesome. Despite the lack of awesome implication, you can still use awesome means to carry your point across. Here are some Examples. First, the good ones:   
Livin' on the Edge- Aerosmith. Screaming rock music just has this way of softening one's heart and allowing a message of pure, honest awesomeness to sink deep into one's soul.
Lord of the Rings- The denouement of this film series consists of a barrage of life lessons taught to us by hobbits. These hobbits just destroyed the One Ring to Rule Them All. Did they go brag to their Shire buddies about their domination? If you're unsure about the answer, watch the movie again.
Coldstone Ice Cream- Does it have to tell us that it's the best thing since canned bread? No. It doesn't need to tell us, it simply needs to show us. And it does it with decadence.

Now, there are some bad examples. Things that we might call "Preachy"

Hallmark (and Hallmarkesque) Movies- Possibly the worst offender, nearly everything that falls into this category is dripping in a corny-plot, morale filled filth. Wow, "morale filled filth" is really fun to say. Nevertheless, that does not redeem the movies.
Many People Who get a hold of a Microphone- I don't need to expound. I'm sure that all of you are thinking of an example of someone that fits into this category. I hope you're smiling.
Country Music (excluding songs about alcohol, scandal or adultery)- Wow, I narrowed that category down to about 20% of country songs... Anyway, these songs generally tell a story. This is where the singer takes time to painfully describe how he learned an important life lesson. Even country fans can think of a particular song that is a little too preachy. Sky diving and rocky mountain climbing are no excuse for preaching.

And thus we see... Ha, see? I just stopped myself from getting preachy! If I were to conclude with a moral, or a complete sentence, I would be